Dealing with Setbacks in Trauma Recovery

Any journey that you set out on will have its challenges and recovering from trauma is no different. Encountering setbacks in the process can be disheartening, it can feel like you are taking steps backwards, but this isn't the case. Setbacks are actually part of the journey and a completely natural and often common occurrence for people that are taking on the difficult task of working through trauma.

Even though setbacks can dampen your resolve, it can also remind you of just how important the work you are doing is to you. The part of you that believes in you and decided to set out on this journey to begin with is still rooting for you. Remember that getting to the top of the mountain involves enduring the valleys. Dealing with valleys does not mean that you've come to the end of your journey, or that you've failed to reach your destination.

Since we are imperfect, attempting to avoid setbacks altogether can be futile. Setbacks can be a necessary part of our learning and growth. In this post we will consider how you might respond to yourself after experiencing a setback and what might help you to continue to keep moving towards your goal.

Self-compassion

Understandably, you may be feeling frustrated with yourself because of the setback but being unkind and judgemental to yourself will not be helpful here. When you are feeling low or disappointed the last thing you need to hear is a loud, harsh and critical voice making you feel even worse than you already do. Acknowledging your feelings is important, however make a rule with yourself - no self-depreciating comments. Imagine a close friend of yours who is feeling frustrated and disappointed, how would you speak to them? Can you practise using the same approach with yourself?

Self-expectations

It may be important to review the expectations that you have of yourself. If you have begun the process of trauma recovery expecting your progress to be linear or for you have healed within a matter of weeks then you may have set yourself up to be let down. Being realistic about how arduous this journey can be is important. The more you unpack in therapy often the more difficult the climb, meaning that sometimes your struggles can be an indication of how far you have come. This is one of the reasons why learning how to stabilise and create a sense of safety is such an important first step. Once learnt, you can continue to practise coming back to a point of stability and safety in order to continue on again.

Your mindset

You may feel like giving up at this point. You may be asking yourself if all this healing stuff is really worth the effort and the upset. Rewiring your brain is not light work, but the fact that you have shown up consistently to do this work means that a part of you that is constantly fighting for you. Something that might help is keeping your 'why' in mind. Why did you start down this road in the first place? How do you want to feel? You've already made progress, if you stop now you will never know if you could have created that life that you wanted. It is quite common in trauma therapy to take breaks, if you are finding the frequency of your sessions too intense, consider talking with your therapist about this.

Looking ahead

Setbacks can be opportunities for you to learn and grow in new directions. They are by no means the end of your journey. Use your therapy sessions as a place to talk about how feel and how you might come back from a setback, neglecting to address your feelings surrounding it means that the feelings can fester and begin to slowly zap your motivation and energy. Having a discussion with your therapist about what led up to the setback can also be extremely helpful, this can help you to identify and learn about what could prevent future setbacks. It's likely that you will come back from this setback stronger and more determined. Remember that you get to decide how you respond to it and this will determine what happens next.

Support

There is no shame in reaching out for professional support. Trauma recovery takes time and patience. A lot of people benefit from the careful approach of a specialised trauma therapist. If you are already in therapy, amazing! It's great that you have begun to give yourself the support that you deserve. If you are currently struggling and need to speak to someone who will listen today contact the Shout text service or Samaritans helpline. These services are available to anyone in the UK, 24 hours a day, all year round. If you feel that you would like ongoing personalised support from a qualified Psychotherapist you are welcome to book a free introductory call with me or search for a therapist on online directories such as the Counselling Directory or Psychology Today .

Disclaimer: Information and opinions in this blog do not constitute as therapy or personalised professional advice.

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